#1

I sat there on my brown corduroy couch with my grandma's crocheted blanket on top of it, just thinking. What had I done to deserve this? This beast of a world had done me so cruel. My dog ate all my vitamins and now he won't stop peeing on my pillow cases.

He's a smart dog, a dalmatian. The most beautiful breed. He knows he wears the pants in our relationship. I've got to get rid of him somehow. I've considered murder, but every trap I set up he somehow nudges them into places where I get caught in them.

I love Cornjulio, but sometimes he gets a bit too much. He's been by my side through everything. When I wet the bed at sixteen, when my mom shaved her head, when my grandma got caught running naked through the nursing home, everything.

It's like he won't die. I want to meet a woman and be free to do what I want without being tied down to this burdening, overly loving companion. My sweet, sweet Cornjulio...