#2

I'm in love. I long to be with Sasha. Oh, how beautiful that woman is. I first saw her at Locos Tacos. I held the door open for her and it was simply magnificent. I've been feeling kind of bad lately, though. Cornjulio's tail has been sagging. It just drops down and he looks terrible.

I feel that this could be my fault. When theSouthernn Living writers came in to take pictures, Cornjulio got nervouse and peed all over the kitchen. The writers laughed and I laughed. I think I made Cornjulio feel that I don't love him anymore. I've also been hanging out with Sasha quite often, leaving him home alone.

Cornjulio gets jealous sometimes when I'm hanging out with my human friends. I thought I could wait a little bit longer until he died and then I could get my life together. But he’s not dying as soon as I thought, and I figure I should start my life at some point, especially now that I’ve seen Sasha. Cornjulio looks up at me and growls. “But Jamie, you know this isn’t right. I’m your one true love”. He’ll have to deal.

#1

I sat there on my brown corduroy couch with my grandma's crocheted blanket on top of it, just thinking. What had I done to deserve this? This beast of a world had done me so cruel. My dog ate all my vitamins and now he won't stop peeing on my pillow cases.

He's a smart dog, a dalmatian. The most beautiful breed. He knows he wears the pants in our relationship. I've got to get rid of him somehow. I've considered murder, but every trap I set up he somehow nudges them into places where I get caught in them.

I love Cornjulio, but sometimes he gets a bit too much. He's been by my side through everything. When I wet the bed at sixteen, when my mom shaved her head, when my grandma got caught running naked through the nursing home, everything.

It's like he won't die. I want to meet a woman and be free to do what I want without being tied down to this burdening, overly loving companion. My sweet, sweet Cornjulio...